Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she woke up with a sticky ear
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
