woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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