My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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