i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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