do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
