Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
