Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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