I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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