I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
