I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
