my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
