okay pat passed out under dana's car
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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