her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
