definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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