Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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