I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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