The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
