Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
