Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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