Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
