What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
