My hand turned me down
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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