I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's the barista slut.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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