So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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