we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
