Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Randomize
