I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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