My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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