I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
