Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In other news, I just burned my penis
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
