Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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