You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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