she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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