I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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