I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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