It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
