a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
