whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
