Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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