You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
