I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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