i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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