Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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