They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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