You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
