they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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