There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
