the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
