At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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