So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
