my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
