When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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