hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
