sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
