there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just threw up on my dentist
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
birth control should be required to get into college
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize