i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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