Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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